It is through my interaction with people that I noticed how much I have changed inside. I am not saying this to feel grand nor am I intimating that I am the only one who should feel this way. I believe that change is opened to any person who is willing to try to transform oneself.
I suppose questions such as “Why should I change? What is there to transform when at the final hour we will all die? Are these changes mere imaginations and snobbery?” are valid and one should not pursue any paths or teachings blindly. But I also believe that if we begin to inquire into the area of self-discovery whether directly or indirectly the first step has been initiated or a seed has been planted awaiting fruition.
From my experience no one person, event or thing can coerce another to change unless one is absolutely ready. The most vivid example I can provide is that the passing of someone would normally be a strong catalyst and motivating factor for a person who is intensely affected to alter certain ways of thinking and living. Very often the moaning party might feel that life is fragile and so nothing should be taken for granted especially loved ones and friends. This is the beginning of a realization whereby the vulnerability of the physical body could either push a person to seek pleasure endlessly or to awaken to a spiritual calling. And again, none of this would occur until the participant is in a state of readiness.
Many incidents collectively placed me in situations that prompted my choosing of a path that led to countless doorways. Stuck in the dark I willed myself to open a door, any door hoping for light to shine through. Most of the time I don’t even know what it is that I am desperately searching for and what am I running away from. Perhaps it is freedom from fear and anything created out of fear will collapse. In the beginning I read books, attended spiritual classes, meditation courses out of the need to know because I was afraid. My quest for knowledge led me to all sorts of discoveries that solidified in to a steel wall. I was locked in and grew dull. My spirit was terribly low that the way to go was to ascend and the other option was to stay tired, angry and frustrated.
I summoned enough courage to surface from intellectual isolation. It hurts and I felt battered. It was as if what I have done for years had gone to waste and I am a lost cause. Until one day I became aware that all actions that I took were provoked by fear. There must be another path and I asked for help. And assistance came in the form of books; my ally. I read and read volumes of books by Joseph Campbell, Alan Watts Krishnamurthi and Paulo Coelho among others. It is not that I am fearless now. I continuously have bouts of attacks whenever I venture into new territories but at any time that I do anything, speak a word or form a thought I ensure that I am creating out of love, compassion, abundance and integrity and not fear. The base that I operate from changed and my entire perspective shifted. There are times that I still act out of fear and I struggle with it every moment of the day. But what I make certain is that I am aware of my every single thought, action and inaction.
It is a long journey and all oceans are linked. There are seasons when the sail is rough and I go on for days without seeing land. There are times when I am tricked and dismayed. In all conditions despite the emerging fears and doubts, be responsible and do the best you can and never compromise on your integrity.
I am no better than any person and I am as vain and self-absorbed as the guy next to me. We are the same and yet special. We are different and yet identical. We are conditioned by the environment, culture, society, our background and education system. In this aspect we are comparable because we share the same type of training. However just as a turtle can’t understand why an eagle can fly one can’t truly understand another person who hails from a contrasting culture, environment and upbringing. In fact we can never decipher the mysteries of another person who is not us! We can empathize with and tolerate one another but always remember that we are not the other person. This makes us special because there is only one you but since everyone is special in his or her own way, it is no longer a unique trait. It is something that everyone can achieve and thus we remain the same.
We all come from the same source but this source has a wide spectrum of qualities like the colours of rainbow. Although we can clearly see seven distinctive colours, they originate from the same white light, the same loving light. Finally, I realize that when we understand, accept and love ourselves unconditionally we experience the biggest shift that is beyond words and thoughts.
Blessings on our journey. Aho!
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